Who Am I? – That Same Old Question

This post was taken from my Instagram as it is a follow-up to my first ever pole performance. I haven’t decided which way I’m going to go about posting yet – here or Instagram first. But it’ll be posted on both.

I don’t know if it’s this full moon or mercury in retrograde that’s got me all wound up and overwhelmed. Or maybe that I put too much on my plate – for once.
I’ve been having a tough time choosing songs for my upcoming performances. And I know it may sound silly like it’s just music. But I’m a soul dancer and I need to connect with my songs and then bring it to life. Music is my soul.
I feel like with teaching it’s very impersonal, I’m there to put on a show. And with performing I have this huge freedom to be whomever I wanna be. But who am I?
What do I wanna bring to the stage? To the world?
Sure, pole dancing is meant to be sexy (some may disagree and say it’s a sport) but I never thought I was sexy. Pretty? Maybe. Put together? Yes. Womanly? Not a chance.
Then I got my first pair of Pleasers… and I felt different. I felt like my Venus in Scorpio self. I felt like a powerful woman.
I could dance to any song. The stranger the song the better the challenge.
But now here I am… with all the freedom in the world feeling more constrained than ever. It just makes me feel like I’m never going to know who I am on any level.
Do I get personal? Do I remain impersonal? Do I just say fuck it and do what I want?

Mercury retrogrades always bring up old issues that haven’t been dealt with. For me, it seems the topic is ‘who am I’? I guess I still haven’t figured that out. Plus it doesn’t help that it showed up with the full moon – everything always seems to crash for me during full moons.

You can find and connect with me on instagram @deialinz .


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